Ashes to Ashes
by Kamina44
Summary: Koro and Sero Sotoshi are just two run of the mill brothers... who also happen to be nighttime burglars. Under the cover of night, they go in, steal money and valuables, and get out. Simple, right? But when they come across the Nijima residence and a strange vase, all hell will soon break loose. Rated M for language, boobs, and comedy just short of a Harold and Kumar movie.


Ashes to Ashes

Chapter 1: Meet the Brothers

**Café Leblanc, Yongen-Jaya District**

**Tuesday, 0035hrs**

Dead of the night is no time for a lot of activity. In fact, sleeping is the one thing most people do at this hour, considering they have their own agendas for tomorrow. But for some, it's the perfect opportunity for some quick, off the records cash. At least on a successful night.

Inside a small back alley café were two men digging through the cash register and inventory. Both were wearing a black hoodie, dark blue jeans, and fingerless gloves. The hood at the register has a white mask with the face of a demon, horns protruding from the forehead and amber eyes. The other mask is red with a long prism like nose and the mouth was carved to make an "O" shape. This hood just happened to be raiding the fridge.

Both of them were careful not to alert anyone while grabbing any valuables they could find and carry. Whispers circulated throughout the room, as they pocketed whatever yen they found.

White Mask: "Okay. I found the stash, now let's get-" *looks back at Red Mask* "What the hell are you doing?"

Red Mask: "What's it look like I'm doing? I'm stealing shit."

White Mask: "Yeah, but coffee beans? Sero, c'mon, we both know those won't sell for much."

Sero: "Koro, my dear brother, that's where you're wrong. You see, if we play our cards right and brew these bitches, we could make twice as much money as this shithole makes in a year."

Koro: "Oh for god's... Are you seriously still thinking about running your own café?"

Sero: "I know, it's coming from a guy who got fired and banned from every other café I've ever worked at. But most of those times weren't my fault!"

Koro: "Weren't your fault? Okay, let's look back on some of the highlights, like how your coffee nearly killed a Congressman from the Diet. Or how you cooked curry that left all of Shibuya begging for water, all because you added a hot sauce you saw people dab on wings in a Youtube series."

Sero: "Hey! I didn't know that Congressman was that lactose intolerant. And I defy anyone who bad mouths Hot Ones brand hot sauce."

Koro: "It's not a matter of saying it's subpar; it's just too damn potent. And before you say anything else, no, no one has your resistance to spice."

Sero: "Immunity. And that's too bad for them." *turning to the fridge* "I've been learning from my mistakes, adapting. Don't underestimate the evolution of my culinary skill."

Koro: "If by culinary you mean trying to assassinate people with bad food, then I'd call that a challenge."

Sero: "Pfft. Fine, be that way. Just let me show you what I'm made of."

Koro: "What are you talking abo-" *turns to Sero* "Sero! Why are you raiding the goddamn fridge?!"

Sero: "Uh, preparing curry. Duh!"

Koro: "Dude, this is exactly the kind of shit that'll get us caught!"

Sero: "Relax. Even if someone wakes up, this curry will be the bomb, maybe even our free pass. Now hurry up and get the pot ready, I'm craving here."

Koro: '_I can't believe we're doing this right now._' "Alright, but I swear if we get caught because of this..."

Sero: "We won't get caught. Our curry will talk our way out of anything, especially" *whips out a bottle of hot sauce* "with Hot Ones: The Last Dab!"

Koro: '_And now we're doomed. I probably should have written my will before I left the house.' _

OoOoO

**Meanwhile...**

The smell of the curry wafted up to a storage room above the café. Inside was a boy with unkempt black hair and a black cat with a yellow collar, gently rolled at the boy's feet into a ball.

Suddenly, the smell from downstairs hit them both like a punch, causing them to gag and gasp for fresh air that's no longer there.

Morgana: "Ugh, what is that smell? I swear Joker, if you left the oven on..."

Akira: "Give me a break, Morgana, I'm not careless. This place would've burned down if that were the case."

Akira starts to cover his face with his shirt to block out the stench.

Akira: "No, something's cooking downstairs; something diabolical."

Morgana: "Yeah, now that you say that..." *sniffs the air* "...it smells like someone detonated a fire bomb at a toxic waste plant."

That was when the two were hit with a dreaded realization.

Akira: "If something's cooking downstairs..."

Morgana: "Oh no..."

Both: "The café!"

OoOoO

As Sero added the hot sauce, the curry bellowed a sinister cloud of smoke. It took the shape of a skull burning at the top, before dissipating into nothing.

Koro: "Did you hear that?"

Sero: "Yeah, it sounds like someone's home."

Koro: "Of course someone's home! Your shit curry musta woke them up!"

Sero: "Okay, it smells like someone croaked, but you gotta admit: the taste is worth it. I even added apples and honey to balance the Dab."

Koro looked down at the curry, the mess of yellow coated with red on rice. After a few bites, Koro's war with the spice was cooled by sweetness.

Sero: "Well?"

Koro: "Alright, alright. It's... okay."

Sero: "Told you I'm getting better. Just you wait: the moment this starts selling, we'll be back in business." *kisses Koro on the forehead* "I can almost taste that sweet, sweet curry money!"

Just then, a light shot up at the two brothers, illuminating their direction. Koro shields his eyes, but Sero turns around, his eyes taking in the full brunt of the searing light.

Standing before the thieves stood Akira and his feline cohort, Morgana. Both had looks on their faces that showed they were ready to start a fight.

Sero: "Uh... anyone up for some curry?"

**Sakura Residence**

**0048 hrs**

A redheaded girl wearing glasses walked up to a man sitting in a Lazy Boy in front of a modest TV. He was sound asleep with a half full cup of black coffee on the little table to his left. She started nudging his shoulder, trying to get his attention.

Futaba: "Sojiro."

Sojiro: "Mm..."

Futaba: "Sojiro~!"

Sojiro: "Huh? Futaba, what are you doing up at this hour?"

Futaba: "I've been getting a lot of chatter from the café. Listen..."

There was a series of crashing coming from the device, as voices mingled with one another throughout the ongoing chaos. The mewling of a cat and Akira's groans followed what sounded like a pot being thrown around the café.

Sero: "KORO! You just splattered the curry! Now I gotta start from scratch."

Koro: "Would you worry about that **after** we get the money?!"

Sojiro's face grew into a grim scowl, as he rose from his recliner and donned his hat and jacket.

Sojiro: "Futaba, you stay here and call the police. I'm heading back to Leblanc."

Futaba: "Okay. Er, to do what exactly?"

Sojiro: "I've got a few thieves that need manhandling."

OoOoO

The Sotoshi twins had already gotten to the register, only for Akira to tackle the former and slam him down onto the floor. Koro opened the register and stuffed whatever yen he could into his sweater pocket.

Koro: "Sero, I got the cash. Now quit screwing around and let's- *gasps*"

As Koro turned to the door, he saw a familiar bearded individual. His white jacket was unbuttoned and showing a pink polo underneath, and a fedora to match both. His grim expression was dauntless, welding itself onto the twin thieves.

Sojiro: "Well, well, what do we have here? A bumbling burglar and his idiot brother. I should've known you two would be back."

Koro: "Hello… Satan."

It was then Sero popped his head up from the floor and ignited a lighter, after finding the flashlight broken a few moments ago.

Sero: "Bro, who're you talking to? Who's Satan? *looks at Sojiro* Oh, hey Boss. *gasps* **BOSS!**"

As Sero screams, he accidently tossed the lighter towards the kitchen, the flame still lingering from the tube. As it fell, it dropped into the pot Sero used to make his curry, erupting into a fireball the size of a basketball.

Sero: "MY CURRY!"

Sojiro: "YOUR curry?!"

The fire then quickly spread all throughout the café, hopping from one drop of curry to the next. Sojiro and the others could only help but watch as the curry fire roasted everything it touched, while the brothers took the opportunity to slip through the door.

Sojiro: "Hey kid! Help me get this fire under control! The extinguisher's behind you!"

Akira nodded and grabbed the extinguisher from the side of the bathroom door. As they were fighting the inferno, Sojiro realized that was only the three of them in the room.

Sojiro: "Wait a minute. WHERE DID THOSE TWO RAT BASTARDS GO?!"

OoOoO

Sero and Koro were already near the Yongen-Jaya station, steering clear of the now smoldering Leblanc. Out of breath, they stopped at the entrance to get their bearings, heading down after shaking their fatigue.

Sero: "Alright, then. How much did we get? C'mon, tell me."

Koro went into his pocket and fished out thirty-two hundred yen.

Koro: "Before you go bitching about it, this was all the geezer had in the register. Otherwise, I wouldn't have settled for putting in my sweater."

Sero: *looking behind him* "Well… at least I was on fire with my curry. Am I right?"

Koro gave his brother a deadpanned stare for a full minute. And then he proceeded to put Sero in a headlock and beat the top of his head.

**Ah, the beginning of something incredible. Also, I'm not dead. Yay! **

**You know, if there's one thing that's wrong with me, it's that I'm super lazy when it comes to typing and uploading stories. It's basically a curse. One day I've got the power to type, and the next thing you know, I'm just sitting with a thumb up my ass trying to get some schoolwork done. Oh, I started a new semester last month, and work hasn't been kind to me these last few days. But, I will do my best to bring the boom on this site.**

**One more thing: I'm either going to be uploading a boxing story soon, or a series of sample ideas. Leave a review and let me know what you want me to do, my loyal followers. Until then, Kamina out.**


End file.
